Perry the Penis

My son has been referring to his penis not with the pronoun “it” but with the pronoun “he,” which is a testament to the fact that his penis has personality. This is a common behavioral thing, or at least I assume so as I saw a similar scenario pop up in the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry. In the film, Allen, ever the paternal trailblazer (too far?), encourages his son to name his penis. The child chooses Dillinger.

Taking this lead, I suggested Sam christen his own tally-whacker by giving “him” a name. He chose “Perry” after “Perry the Platypus” of “Phineas and Ferb” fame. This, paradoxically, is both an honor and an insult to “Perry the platypus.”

For the record, there is also a paradox in naming a phallus after an animal whose name includes a rather peculiar suffix; for those of you who don’t know what a suffix is or simply can’t recall studying for the verbal portion of the SAT, follow this simple instruction: emphasize the last syllable of pla-ty-pus.

*Waiting for lightbulbs to go off…

Some of you might look up the suffix “pus” and point out that it is of Greek origin and means, very plainly, “foot.” Still, it sounds the way it sounds.

Lending even more paradoxical depth to the label of my son’s penis is the fact that the platypus is related, however remotely, to the beaver. Vulgar? Maybe. Paradoxical? Certainly. What does it all mean? Search me. I’m sure the significance of it will out in therapy somewhere down the road, but for now, let’s just celebrate the name of Sam’s new friend on this same day that we celebrate the new Pope. Peace be with you!

Perry the Penis copy


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